If you are trying to figure out if your spouse is drinking too much, Here are some things you should consider.
Most alcoholics don’t drink all day every day. Usually, they can go for periods of time without drinking.
The most common scenario is a person who frequently keeps drinking more than they intended to drink. This is a good indicator that a person is slipping into problematic drinking.
Often, this person ends up embarrassing themselves while drinking. Then they will make promises to themselves or others to stop drinking or cut back. They will be able to stick to this new resolution for a short time, but before long they have another incident, and the cycle just keeps going that way.
Ultimately these “slip ups” start happening more frequently and the behaviors get worse.
If your spouse seems to be going through this pattern, then I’m sure you have spoken with them about it. Maybe they were apologetic and receptive to feedback at first, but now they are just defensive about it, and probably make you feel like a crazy perfectionist nag!
Alcoholics have a special Super Power…. They can turn their mistake into YOUR “character defect!”
At this point the dynamic between you and your spouse creating increased tension in your marriage. Your spouse will likely start to hide their drinking from you, which can escalate alcoholism.
They may drink moderately in front of you, but this is to prove to you that they can manage their drinking. For example they may order a couple of beers or glasses of wine at dinner and then not order any more. You think that they are drinking moderately and start to feel hopeful that the problem has gotten better.
Here is what you wont see:
1. They drank before you went to dinner / or more when you got home.
2. They ordered a drink while you where in the bathroom.
3. Maybe they even had some hidden in their coat pocket or purse.
EVEN MORE SNEAKY…
They will be especially thoughtful and offer to go pick up dinner to bring back to the house. Be careful here because, they might be “going to pick up dinner,” but while they wait for the food to be ready they are ordering a “little something to drink.”
WORST CASE SITUATION…
The problem is to the point that you have asked them to get help or go to meetings. Guess what many of them do?????
They pretend to be at their AA meeting and they are really drinking in the car!
If you feel stuck in this pattern and don’t know what to do, schedule a free 15 minute consult with one of our specialist to find out if it is truly an alcohol use disorder and what you can do about it.
We will tell you whether it is a true Alcohol Problem or if you are just a “Crazy Perfectionist Nag!”