You Can’t Make Someone Drink, But You Can Make Them Very Thirsty

It’s not your job to keep someone sober. Their recovery is THEIR JOB, and you cannot make someone drink (relapse). Just like you can’t make someone stop drinking (or using), you can’t make someone relapse.

No one can blame anyone else for a relapse (NO BLAME SHIFTING), however there are some things that will trigger someone to want to drink. If you want to be a good support person, there isn’t a checklist of things for you to do, but I can give you a list of things not to do.

Things That Make Sobriety More Difficult For Your Loved One

(Things you should Avoid…. if you want to be helpful)

  1. Spy, sneak, or snoop
  2. Micromanage your loved one’s recovery
  3. Constantly remind them of past failures
  4. Hold all your feelings inside, but act out passive aggressively
  5. Talk to everyone you know about what your loved one has done (or not done)
  6. Expect too much too fast
  7. Say everything that comes in your head
  8. Believe the addict/alcoholic is the only person that needs to change
  9. Act weird around your loved one and treat them like they’re fragile
  10. Keep alcohol and/or drugs around the house
  11. Expect them to keep the same lifestyle they had before, but stay sober
  12. Assume your loved one is going to fail
  13. Believe any relapse means they aren’t trying
  14. Trying to recruit your recovering loved one’s other family members and friends to talk to them, make them go to meetings, or otherwise manage their recovery. (the gang up method)
  15. Nag, preach, harp, threaten, or bribe