Written By:Kim Garrett,LPC
Are you unknowingly inviting people to lie to you?
The first and only time I have been asked this question was in a seminar with Dr. Pat Love (PS… She is great!)
Dr. Love went on to talk about the notion that we, as flawed relational humans, have a tendency to actually invite people to lie to us. Shocking, I know!
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH
When I visualize this behavior I think of the 1992 movie A Few Good Men with Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. The scene that comes to mind is when Nicholson is being cross examined by Cruise and yells, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH”, across the court room. This classic scene is a great visualization for lie inviting behavior.
According to Nicholson’s character Cruise is not able to actually hear the truth due to his age, prestige, and political position. Nicholson goes on to say that Cruise has the luxury of talking about topics, where Nicholson is actually tasked with bringing such topics to fruition.
So, the question I pose to you:
Are you inviting those you love or work
with to lie to you based on your reactions?
Here is a simple list to think about. The more you answer yes, to the
Hateful Eight questions below, the more likely people are lying to you.
Do you have BIG reactions to things you don’t want to hear or like? Examples: do you yell, withhold affection, pout, or want to talk about topics for a LONG period of time?
Are you judgmental? (secretly judging others counts as a yes)
Do you lecture frequently?
Do the phrases: “How could you do…”, ”I would never do…”, “Why would you do that”?, come out of your mouth during difficult times?
Do you give people the silent treatment when they have disappointed or hurt you?
Do you hold grudges?
Are you passive aggressive or aggressive?
Are you generally the last to know the “real truth”?